Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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