i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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