My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
