Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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