so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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