I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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