What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
