I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
