I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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