1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
