I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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