look no pants
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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