Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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