Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
