i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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