I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
