is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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