you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
