If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
