I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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