It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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