You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
