You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
