and i looked up. we had an audience...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
