Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
