He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
