oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
