Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's shark week go big or go home
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
