if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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