do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
