I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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