Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
