Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
