if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
