There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
thus making me awesome and them whores
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
