hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
