i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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