Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
