I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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