So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
