So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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