tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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