I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
