sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
