I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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