Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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