Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
