(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
