Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
