nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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