Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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