he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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