Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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