Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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