don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
