This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
