did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
