distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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