ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
