Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
