your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
