Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize