hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
