8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
