Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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