that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
