You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
