No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
