I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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