Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
