he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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