Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was born a porn star she said
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
