You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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