that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
