are you still at the devil's house?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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