I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
