I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
