4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
